Button – hiding – discovered. Enjoyed for the redness and mystery of what it came from and how it got there… I’m certain it must have come in under a shoe. It’s been there, quietly for a week. I havn’t touched it. I find it delightful;.
It’s a quiet revolution going on in my head lately. Trying to stop the unquenchable fiend who insists I should always aim to be more is proving difficult in my quest to be more.
In typical fashion, I grasped this head on. Deciding to spend last Saturday going easy – appreciating things that came into view, and delighting in quiet moments and the pleasure of just being alive and physical. It was a lovely morning. By the afternoon I was so far behind in the things that needed to be done to run and care for a family that I was starting to panic. And I’m not even that diligent at being on top of it all.
So I backed off.
But I’m not giving in. And it has been quite a lovely week as a result, though I havn’t got anything much to show for it.
Trying not to rush (a bad habit of mine) has been difficult. Trying to not feel stressed by the amount of work children generate in their general curiosity has been difficult. But this small discovery has been the most sobering;
I turn my head off, go into autopilot and race through jobs I don’t enjoy. Breathing shallowly as I do them, and planning the next job as I do it. I realise that this is stressful in its own way, doesn’t make for a well-executed task, and doesn’t enrich the person doing it. It’s a lifetime of habit though, and is proving hard to break.
After a week of consciously being though (on and off), I am on the whole more relaxed and physically at ease.
I have, however only made one canvas, and that isn’t even finished. My house still needs attention, and I have friends I still havn’t given the attention they deserve. And these things niggle at me…
While I was writing this, I could hear giggling, and rustling, and gleeful squeals and jumping going on. I had suspicions, so carefully crept back down the hall camera in hand to see this:
Zara in the ‘snow’. Good grief. Being hat off, doing hat on – Later. But first I’m going to let her have some fun.