Experimenting on old canvas.
There is nothing like a crisis of confidence to shake you up. I am at the point where a lot of people would give up and throw it to one side as all too hard, which is exactly why I’m going to push through, and keep going.
I have approached the canvas with much trepidation, caution and far too much respect lately, which has rattled me further, and being anxious about cost of materials has made me too wary of ‘proper’ use – which has further reduced my play and progress.
Yesterday, with a morning to myself, and feeling overwhelmed again, I pumped up the music, took a few photos of myself dancing around as a model, and dashed them on to an old canvas. With a few new techniques gathered from ‘Brushstrokes’ (new purchase), and the need to practice, practice, practice, I just went for it.
I don’t know why I’m so hard on myself. I always bypass the easy stuff, without giving it the credit for the gift that it is – and try to master the hard things – without questioning whether it is valuable or meaningful in my own case. I think sometimes, just because something is easy for me, doesn’t mean it is easy for anyone, and perhaps I should stop punishing myself and trying to pursue styles that I am not suited to.
I found the painting above easy, and looking at it the next day it has a dynamism and strength that I’m proud of. It’s far, far, far from finished, and won’t be for sale, because you can see the edges of the painting underneath, but it’s another stepping stone, and is giving up beautiful secrets that are more than worth the wasted time and paint.
Somewhere in all of this the pendulum will start to slow I suppose, in the meantime, I’m trying to enjoy the ride.