I’m on such a big learning curve these past years. Learning about the art industry, challenging my skills, learning how to handle oils, getting to know where the opportunities are… But the biggest hurdle of all isn’t one that I’d ever have been conscious about in my earlier years……
The biggest challenge to me these days is tackling the one thing that holds most of us upright and out in the world – pride.
Most of the time when I make things hard for myself – it’s because of pride. I get anxious about how I or my work will be perceived because of pride. I get anxious about how ‘professional’ I need to be because of pride. I make things tougher on everyone because of pride. I may not ask all the questions I need to because I don’t want to look like I don’t know what I’m doing – pride.
This is my BIG project at the moment. Every so often, I go to tackle something with pride firmly in chest – and think – hang on, am I doing it this way because it will be the best way, or because it will keep my pride intact. If I discover it’s the latter – I bundle that pride into a little ball and swallow hard.
It’s quite liberating to quash your pride from time to time. There is a momentary feeling of discomfort – but to know you have done the best thing, for your future for all the right things is worth the momentary ickiness. I tell myself while I’m doing it – this person won’t even know how hard this was, so it’s not important.
The last few days is a good case in point. I rushed a painting, varnished it before I should have. It’s still not dry. To be honest I think I may have ruined it. Pride had me thinking last night – that because I had shown it on here I should deliver it. ‘Right’ had me looking through older work for an alternative, and I decided – rather than deliver Circus lady with heart in mouth and pride intact, I would deliver 2 of last years unsold works from my Paper Dolls series. These works have had great reactions and a lot of positive comments from gallery owners. One of them even won me a small award at a regional show – so I put them in with nothing to lose. Having done that – I feel good.
Right decision, pride to the side.