feather - found at mossman

One of the things the book I am reading speaks of, is the trap that we fall into of thinking our ego is us.  I don’t know about you - but I have spent a lot of my life talking to myself - in my head, about things that are not right, that need to be changed, that I should or must do, of the wrongs I have suffered, of how unjust circumstance can be, and of all the things I can do to change it and make the world a better place.

I spend a lot of my time thinking, and I always felt quite good about that.

I am reading, that the path to inner peace, lies (if I understand correctly) in learning to spend more time being conscious in being instead of focusing on our ego centred self.  The book speaks of the insatiable need of the ego to want, and how that want can never be filled because it is an integral function of itself.

Ping.

We want to consume, collect and manifest because we need to be ‘bigger’, ‘more’, ’splendid’.  And that is quite self-defeating.  It all makes sense to me.  I do it all, and it makes me feel heavier, weighed down, sluggish and less free to just. be. quietly.

As I look about my house I see piles of things that are waiting, taunting me to climb to new heights of something that is not really important.  To complete a goal of some kind that I have always appreciated at the end, but not always in the doing.

And what is important is what is going on right now.  Right this minute.

I am wanting to pare down my life to the basics - to create spaces in between to be enjoyed doing nothing.  To enjoy the doing as well as the being.

I am looking forward to getting back to my painting and desperately need to make piles vanish.  I am excited about what the changes in me will mean for my painting and for my family.  I am hoping some of it will rub off, and kind of thrilled to be learning some of this stuff while my kids are so young and it becomes part of everyday life.

Forgive me if I sound evangelical.  It will be fully absorbed and normal soon I imagine, but in the meantime the lightness is so astonishing, it must be shared.

Going off to do some clearing.