The glass

There is something so terribly uncool about standing on a box in the middle of a crowd and saying ‘I am confused today’. There is something uncool about admitting that one is not completely in control.  There is something uncool about questioning the path and the direction of ones own choosing.

There is something so totally, totally awesome about being brave enough to do it – and having hands and words reach out and touch in unexpected ways, that make the experience worthwhile, and do provide a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks so much to everyone who commented yesterday – I went to bed feeling much happier, and after hearing from an artist I respect and admire on a forum I visit that my rollercoaster experience is common I even feel kind of proud and hopeful that I am on the right path.

Thank you Daniel, Kirsten, Antikva, Catherine, and Alison for your support and ideas.

I promised myself when I started this blog, that I would document the process – emotional and otherwise, so that I could see how far I had come, and on the off-chance that anyone following and trying to balance it all was feeling the same way and know they were not alone.  That does mean a certain amount of unattractive spilling from time to time to keep it honest, and bizarrely being so vulnerable brings a certain amount of strength and clarity after the event.

I never considered throwing it away – I’ve put too much into this for that – and it would also be unfair to the many people who have bought paintings over my career to date.  I am so grateful for their support and trust.  And I want their investment to be worth so much more one day.

What I do need to come to grips with is the importance of having some kind of income that is not exhibited art-related, and that I dedicate a set amount of time to in a week.  I’m thinking Etsy, I’m thinking sewing, I’m thinking of tackling the knitting machine in a more professional manner to produce some unique things. I’m thinking cards, I’m thinking small paintings, I’m thinking of not selling out – but capitalising on the things I do anyway.  I’m hoping this may be the answer.

My tendency is towards beautiful, luxury fabrics, quirky detail and careful design and finishing.  I hope I can find like-minded people out there who feel like I do and want a piece of it.  Love for sale.

In the meantime, this makes me happy

ALL the faces she draws are smily ones.  All of them. And I love that…